Of course it had to be the force that is facebook to inspire me to open up some old doors and reflect. After seeing person after person change their profile pics to cartoons I read further to see what the fuss was about . Turns out it's a movement to raise awareness about child abuse. There they were.... those two words that cut like a knife ..CHILD ABUSE.
On the outside I had it all . Head cheerleader dates the star football player , homecoming court la de da the usual right ? Little did anyone know what was going on at home . When you have such hatred aimed at you especially from your parent you don't want to admit it to yourself let alone tell anyone else.
I'll always remember the first time my mother punched me in the face. I'm not talking a slap .I mean draw back , lean into it,and boom Mike Tyson style TKO right to the jaw. I was so stunned that I just stared at her . She looked at me and smiled " well what do you have to say now ?" and I asked her "why are you doing this to me ?" I'll never forget her response " you're everything I wanted to be and I hate you."
Our relationship would never be repaired . With her words spoken out loud it confirmed the thoughts constantly in my head . Our relationship wasn't normal but I never knew normal until I'd hear other kids tell stories about their parents and they sure didn't sound like mine. I could write page after page of TKO moments.
Throughout high school we began to move around ..ALOT. First to an apartment then it was a different hotel every few days..and we aren't talking Trump Tower ..more like Hojo's , Red Roofs, and Aladdin Inns to name some personal favorites . My brother and I used to joke about where we'd be living today after school,I think being silly kept us sane. I would walk the halls with a smile on my face and dread the bell ringing because that meant I'd have to go home ...wherever home was that day. At night I'd lie awake thinking someone has got to find out ..what will they think..what will they say at school , where would we go if I tell someone?
It took years before I asked for help and it was out of utter exhaustion . A moving company came one day while we were at school to take our stuff to our next dream house.The thing about movers is they want their money and if they don't get it you don't get your stuff back . It figures I had to wear my worst outfit that day! I was so tired from being up all night worrying . Where we would be living next and how will we pay the bills ? Dammitt Jenn ! How many times have we done this? Don't you know to have your good clothes on just in case ! I was so mad at ME for not thinking a step ahead . Day after day the movers never came. I'd ask where our stuff was until I got a nice beatdown to put an end to my constant questioning. I called my dad to tell him we had no clothes and he sure wished he could help but he didn't know what he could do being so far away. A phone call to my aunt and finally relief ...someone was going to listen.
I'll never understand what makes a person able to harm their children, but I'll always understand what it's like to be afraid to speak up . I teach kids now and it's by far the best thing that's ever happened to me . I'm at school 30 minutes early and I tend to stay 30 minutes late , because I love these kids . I love hearing their little stories and giving them time to talk because I know one of them could be going through hell and in that case there's no place like home.
